SUPER FUNNY! YELP REVIEWS of the Malheur Bird Reserve are so Funny.

http://www.yelp.com/biz/malheur-national-wildlife-refuge-princeton

The refuge is wonderful and the flora is representative of the region but there appears to be an influx of invasive wildlife.

The species is slow witted and easy to avoid but none the less caution is advised. Even when a bark is worse than a bite remember... there's still a bite. In the event one of these lower primates sees you and approaches there are ways to escape the interaction unscathed. 

The easiest way is the dumb down your language and start spouting far right political nonsense. Phrases like "gold standard" and "sovereign citizen" should be used amid random one syllable connectors. But use caution. A broad vocabulary or use of "snotty, big-city words" could indicate higher education or as they say "too much time with the teachin lady". They don't seem to like this.

If exposed in this way you can throw a tin of chewing tobacco to lure them away or just point and yell "Obama!". Either should buy you enough time to flee. If they see a library card prepare to defend yourself. Their attack is reflexive and to the death.

One upside of their unwanted presence is park hours. Malheur is now open 24/7... for white people wearing camo.

Me and my cousins went thar to overthrow the guvment  and they ain't got no werkin terlits! Sheeeeeeet

We arrived after safely securing our empty building but were disappointed that there were no vending machines. We did find the lookout tower to be convenient for keeping watch. This is a definite perk to staying here. Especially when the sun is snuffed out by God (gets me a'thinkin'... tides go in. Tides go out. How do you explain that?). The locals are not all friendly. Not like they would be in, say, Somalia. All we could think about was what our cows were doing back home and if they miss our nightly rendezvous. To pass the time we practice our ciphering & goes intos while our camping buddy LaVoid sits outside under a tarp and pretends he is back home. He says that the bird sounds are sometimes like the noises his sister makes when she rejects his advances. It seems to calm him some and ease his boredom. Anyway, we have been thinking about staying here forever and turning it into one giant cow patty. If we can avoid the dysentery, that is. Send snacks. And toilet paper just in case. I've been getting the cramps bad. Also, this desert is cold. That ain't right.