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By Emily on November 23, 2016
It tried to put my nativity figures into an internment camp. Would not buy again.
The fucking ornament locked up all my non-white ornaments and then knocked the tree over to the right setting it on fire and denying that there was a fire.
By Shinga on November 23, 2016
I didn’t actually order this but somehow it’s on my tree anyway. I’m trying to make the best of it… at least that’s what people are telling me to do. But I don’t know. I’m trying, but there’s suddenly swastikas painted on my other decorations, half of my presents are just dog s***, and the tree itself is on fire. But my conservative friends are telling me the fire is a good thing and I should just be united in celebrating what this ornament has to offer. They’re also saying I need to leave the tree in my house for four to eight years.
By L.H. on November 23, 2016
This ornament keeps tweeting at 3 a.m., demanding apologies from the casts of various Broadway musicals. For what, I don’t know. You’d think now that the Christmas season has officially arrived, the tree is up, and the stockings are hung, this ornament would finally get serious about being an ornament and doing the things an ornament ought to do–you know, stuff like hanging on the tree, looking merry and bright, and not destroying the Republic in its quest to satiate an unquenchable thirst for power. But no such luck. It just keeps tweeting and tweeting and tweeting. I’m not even sure how it manages to use a phone for such time-wasting endeavors, given how microscopic its teeny-tiny, wee little hands are.
Very strange. I’d like to return this, but I hear it will take an act of Congress to do so, and in any case, I’m not sure the backup ornament I’m stuck with is any better. It keeps trying to electrocute me.
November 23, 2016
Came with an entire crate of white hood ornaments. Great bargain! Downside: My tree is now on fire.
on November 23, 2016
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