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So, why would anyone want to pretend to be a member of the gay Republican caucus (another really gay word)? To get laid, of course! Here's how.
THERE ARE PARTIES
Sure, just about every affiliate group is having some sort of shindig to celebrate their inclusion into the rich white people's party, but the one for gays sounds really fun. GOProud, a group for gay Republicans, threw what sounds like a great bash. According to the Washington Blade, the party had booze, dancing, some talk about Andrew Breitbart (snooze), and strippers. Yes, strippers. If you were a gay dude on the prowl, you could just put on a pair of khakis and tell the guy at the door that you built them, and you’d be in. Once inside, you’d wait until the boys were liquored up and horny from touching toned torsos littered with dollar bills, and every butthole at the party would be yours for the taking.
Sure, just about every affiliate group is having some sort of shindig to celebrate their inclusion into the rich white people's party, but the one for gays sounds really fun. GOProud, a group for gay Republicans, threw what sounds like a great bash. According to the Washington Blade, the party had booze, dancing, some talk about Andrew Breitbart (snooze), and strippers. Yes, strippers. If you were a gay dude on the prowl, you could just put on a pair of khakis and tell the guy at the door that you built them, and you’d be in. Once inside, you’d wait until the boys were liquored up and horny from touching toned torsos littered with dollar bills, and every butthole at the party would be yours for the taking.
THERE IS CRAIGSLIST
Just search ‘RNC’ on Craigslist and you’ll find dozens of ads from gay guys looking to hit some of that sweet out-of-town Republican tail. You can get a Discrete Blow 'N' Go, some Thick Chocolate 4 R N C, or, my favorite, NYPD cop looking some GOP / RNC friends. A hot gay New York cop! You can't even score one of those in Manhattan, but with an elephant pin and a condom, you're good to go! All you have to do is keep a straight face while saying you voted for John McCain in the last election and he'll toss your salad faster than Paul Ryan will decimate Medicare.
Just search ‘RNC’ on Craigslist and you’ll find dozens of ads from gay guys looking to hit some of that sweet out-of-town Republican tail. You can get a Discrete Blow 'N' Go, some Thick Chocolate 4 R N C, or, my favorite, NYPD cop looking some GOP / RNC friends. A hot gay New York cop! You can't even score one of those in Manhattan, but with an elephant pin and a condom, you're good to go! All you have to do is keep a straight face while saying you voted for John McCain in the last election and he'll toss your salad faster than Paul Ryan will decimate Medicare.
THERE IS CONVERSION THERAPY
Contrary to popular belief, straight penises can have fun at the RNC too. As we all know, Republican women aren't really known for putting out, but there is one way to trick them: let them think that they are doing God's work by curing you of your homosexuality. Get yourself into one of the cool parties sponsored by something like pharmaceuticals or the tobacco industry, because that's where the hot girls will be (and who doesn't want pills or smokes in the swag bag). Tell her you've been struggling with your feelings for men and have been going to meetings at your church to try to get rid of them, but you need some help making that final leap. Tell her she's the first woman you've ever been really attracted to and she'll be dropping her panties like that one slutty Palin daughter.
Contrary to popular belief, straight penises can have fun at the RNC too. As we all know, Republican women aren't really known for putting out, but there is one way to trick them: let them think that they are doing God's work by curing you of your homosexuality. Get yourself into one of the cool parties sponsored by something like pharmaceuticals or the tobacco industry, because that's where the hot girls will be (and who doesn't want pills or smokes in the swag bag). Tell her you've been struggling with your feelings for men and have been going to meetings at your church to try to get rid of them, but you need some help making that final leap. Tell her she's the first woman you've ever been really attracted to and she'll be dropping her panties like that one slutty Palin daughter.
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