13 weird ways Presidential Candidates celebrate Christmas

http://www.alternet.org/news-amp-politics/13-weird-ways-presidential-candidates-will-celebrate-holidays?akid=13800.294211.ZG6Pxu&rd=1&src=newsletter1047833&t=12

• Carly Fiorina will watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” and root for Mr. Potter.
• Ben Carson plans to hand out belts to the homeless that are 2 sizes too small to encourage them to diet.
• Rick Santorum will trot out his annual “dangle the stuffed santa legs up the chimney” and encourage the kids shoot at them with shotguns to stress the importance of their 2nd Amendment rights.
• Once again Bernie Sanders will hire a team of native Inuit caterers to roast an entire reindeer, which he then will refuse to eat.
• The whole Donald Trump family will dress up in Santa Claus outfits and limo around New York City throwing lumps of coal at poor people.
• Hillary Clinton annually commissions a local artist to create industrial strength tinsel, that in a pinch could be used to strangle members of the vast right wing conspiracy. Or husbands.
• John Kasich spreads joy amongst yon round Ohio virgins.
• Marco Rubio will travel back to his parents’ homeland of Cuba and try to dig up dirt on Ted Cruz’s father.
• Ted Cruz will travel back to his father’s homeland of Cuba and try to dig up dirt on Marco Rubio’s family.
• Jeb Bush plans to plaster a phony smile on his face and suffer through another family dinner where his father and brother tell fascinating stories about being Commander-in-Chief. Again.
• Rand Paul and his father Ru revive an old Texas tradition by painstakingly separating their seasonal collection of fruitcakes into individual fruits, then throwing them at passing Volkswagen Vans.
• Chris Christie’s holiday meal consists of low-calorie, Weight Watchers turkey dinners. 19 of them.
• Mike Huckabee will organize a bus tour, dress as a vengeful god and scream holiday epithets outside entrances of Planned Parenthood.
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