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I would argue that the Christian faith does not do a good job of teaching people how to love, or at least that it works up to a point but then leaves some crucial things to be desired. I will explain what I mean by that below, but first I must clarify that I’m not merely saying that Christians have a good working model for what love looks like and they’re just failing to live up to it. It’s not like their concept of love is healthy and they’re just imperfect and fallen and yada yada yada. That’s invariably how they will see this problem. I know that line of reasoning, and that’s not what I’m saying.
The problem is not that Christians fail to live up to the model of love they’ve been given, the problem is that the model is flawed to begin with.There are some key shortcomings within the logic of the Christian message which prevent the church from even grasping a healthy view of what love looks like. Since that’s where the problem lies, it won’t solve this problem to just demand more fervent devotion or greater self-sacrifice in order to live up to the ideal they’ve been given. The ideal itself needs revision, and I’d like to try to explain what I mean.
I would argue that the Christian faith does not do a good job of teaching people how to love, or at least that it works up to a point but then leaves some crucial things to be desired. I will explain what I mean by that below, but first I must clarify that I’m not merely saying that Christians have a good working model for what love looks like and they’re just failing to live up to it. It’s not like their concept of love is healthy and they’re just imperfect and fallen and yada yada yada. That’s invariably how they will see this problem. I know that line of reasoning, and that’s not what I’m saying.
The problem is not that Christians fail to live up to the model of love they’ve been given, the problem is that the model is flawed to begin with.There are some key shortcomings within the logic of the Christian message which prevent the church from even grasping a healthy view of what love looks like. Since that’s where the problem lies, it won’t solve this problem to just demand more fervent devotion or greater self-sacrifice in order to live up to the ideal they’ve been given. The ideal itself needs revision, and I’d like to try to explain what I mean.
You know how the Bible has its own “love chapter?” I asked some humanist friends of mine to add to it and this is what they said:
Love is empathy in action.I think those are some excellent upgrades to our concept of love, and I think humanism has something to contribute to the ongoing conversation. What would you add to round out our picture of what healthy love should look like?
Love shows respect; it honors boundaries; it values consent.
Love unconditionally accepts and helps instead of harms. Love transcends intolerance.
Love seeks to understand instead of to coerce; it doesn’t misrepresent. Love listens well.
Love gives to those in need but it doesn’t model self-neglect.
Love seeks to contribute to the well-being of others without controlling or demanding conformity in return. Love values the individual and protects human dignity.
Love doesn’t shame, and love does no harm.
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